Top 5 medals

Slightly less self-congratulatory / self-deprecating this time. These are my 5 favourite medals. Extra points awarded for a big chunky lump of hardware, depth of relief, artistic effort and attempt to capture the flavour of the individual marathon. 

#5 - Porto. Good attempt at depicting the elegant bridge over the Douro river, ever so slightly let down by a bit of blurriness. (Photo is of Porto and La Rochelle)

#4 - Brighton. Even though this has rusted a fraction, the Brighton Pavilion is an elegant and stylish image. I like the simplicity of this one, just the image and the name and year of the race (and a tiny logo). Big too. Very nice.

#3 - La Rochelle. This is beautiful, it's the view of the two towers in the harbour (you finish by the one on the right) with a small boat. The quality and finish are superb and it's in fairly deep relief. It's also got the founder's vizog on the reverse, but the front is excellent.

#2 - Florence. Florence puts a different image relating to the city on its medal each year, this year was Galileo with his telescope. The amount of detail is extraordinary for a race medal, and the finish quality spot on, you can even see an expression on Galileo's face. It's not easy to make people look like people, but Florence has managed it, even in the Renaissance style. Exquisite.

#1 - 100 marathon club. Ok, this is a bit of a cop-out. Florence is a far better medal. But this wins because of its rarity and because it sums up all the 100 marathons it took to run it. It captures not only the landscapes and city scapes that I've been lucky enough to see but also the thousands of miles of pavements and roads that have got me there. There were times where all you see is grey - grey concrete, grey roads, grey skies, grey buildings, grey flyovers. But there are times where you see sights that make your breath catch in your throat. This reminds me to remember them.

And here's a rubbish pic of them all hanging in my loo, along with a windowsill full of trophies and awards and stuff. Sadly, none of them proves that I can run very fast, just that I enter poorly populated events. Choose your races wisely, kids!

Fastest and slowest marathons

My 5 slowest marathons and ultras. Further exposition of the sheer misery that accompanied each of these events can be found in my blog but it's safe to say that they were all Horrid.


#5 - Langport Day 2, 5 hours 58. The nettles! THE NETTLES!!!


#4 - The Picnic, 6 hours 35. The most stupid marathon ever. If it weren't for the bonkers Dr Rob of Trionium and his silly signs and making us sing the National Anthem or whatever at the start, this would be terrible.


#3 - Portland Coastal 6 hours 38. That shingle beach totalled my achilles for months afterwards.


#2 - Pembrokeshire Coastal Day 1, 6 hours 50. Oh my god, what had I let myself in for? There were 2 more days of this.


#1 - Pembrokeshire Day 2, 8 hours 40. By the end, I couldn't even stand up without being knocked over by the wind. Let alone walk. Let alone run. (I DNF'd Day 3 with a touch of hypothermia and very very empty tanks)




5 fastest races (no ultras in here)


#5 - La Rochelle, Nov 2010, 3 hours 40. Awful awful awful, was knackered, couldn't see, felt like I was going to pass out, was a total wreck at the finish. Thank god for Mark's company.


#4 - Abingdon, Oct 2009, 3 hours 38 (4 min PB). Managed 16 miles at 3:30 pace but blew up. Should have gone for a slower target but it's worth doing the odd race with a risky strategy. It might just work.


#3 - Seville, Feb 2010, 3 hours 37. Really strong 12k at the end to squeak a 1 minute PB. 


#2 - VLM, April 2010, 3 hours 36. One week after Brighton (see below). Could have PB'd here but stopped to hug various mates. Worth it :-)


#1 - Brighton, April 2010, 3 hours 36. Recipe for a PB: previous week, run 100 miles in 6 days at 8:30 average pace, including 2 marathons in Connemara. Take Monday off (you've got a sparrows' farts flight in the morning anyway), then run 10 miles on Tuesday, 10 miles on Thursday (at 7:35 pace), 10 on Friday then go out and get absolutely battered. Wake up on Saturday with the worst hangover ever, deal with this by drinking another bottle and a half of red wine. Forget to charge your garmin so have no watch for the race. Have a bacon and egg roll for breakfast. Run a 90 second PB :-)

Best marathon goody bags

Best goody bag this time, organisers get extra points for yesterday's locally themed stuff, anything truly unique, and for tech t-shirts in female fit. You know how many of us have entered your race, it's not that bloody hard.


#5 - Faversham. A bottle of Spitfire (Shepherd Neame is brewed in Faversham) and a giant and supremely naff trophy because we're all winners. The communists' marathon, no winners here (sorry TZ).


#4 - Zurich New Year's Eve. A white string vest. No logo on it to explain why you'd own a white string vest, just a white string vest. No medal either, but the vest was very special.


#3 - La Rochelle. What a haul, a beautiful medal, a drawstring backpack, a rose for the ladies, a fabulously garish windcheater the size of a tent and a bourrette of oysters and oyster shucker. 


#2 - Seville. The best bargain race I've done. I missed the free feed both before and after the race but did come away with a huge medal, a giant towel, a running vest (technical - tick, lady sized - tick, green - fail) and a pair of racing knickers!! My theory is you have to be sub 3'15 to wear racing knickers and in possession of an extremely pert and compact behind. This rules out most of the female field. Oh well, nice gesture.


#1 - Porto. Again, a beautiful medal, a rucksack, 2 t-shirts (1 technical, green and vast, 1 cotton, red and vast, neither good but both appreciated), 2 baseball caps, some odds and sods like a keyring and samples, a drawstring bag, a rose for the ladies, free lunch at the expo, free pint of beer at the finish, and a 750ml bottle of commemorative port :-) The port was the clincher, if not the fuzzy head on the startline.

Best Locally Themed Mementos

I've also stuck in the Most Inappropriately Named Marathons as there aren't really enough for their own list:


#2 - The Dorset Doddle. 32 miles along the Jurassic Coast from Weymouth to Swanage, up and down and up and down. Beautiful views, but exhausting.


#1 - The Picnic marathon. Yes, there's a picnic at the finish but this race is contrived by the bonkers Dr Rob of Trionium to be the most ridiculously difficult marathon ever. 


Best Locally Themed Mementos


#10 - Dartmoor Discovery 2008 - a glass block with the route laser etched into it. Shame they don't do these any more.


#8 & 9 - Snowdonia and Windermere for the slate coaster (Snowd) and slate medal (Windy)


#7 - London - London Pride on tap at the Expo, worth a few circuits of Excel


#6 - 10 in 10, a huge chunk of slate with a wicked pointy top, much more unique than a medal and a very handy weapon if you have intruders


#5 - Faversham - a bottle of Shepherd Neame, as brewed in Faversham


#4 - La Rochelle - a box of about 2 dozen oysters, and an oyster shucker. Not very practical, but very local.


#3 - Cornish - a piping hot pasty at the finish. 


#2 - Porto - a full size bottle of port. Not very handy for those with hand luggage, but must be drunk before departure.


#1 - Jersey - local, icy cold, creamy milk at the finish line. Unbelievably delicious.


Now I need to get to the Epernay marathon for the champagne and back to Bordeaux for the red, and I reckon there'd be interest in races in Melton Mowbray for the pies, Cheddar for the cheese and Cartmel for the best sticky toffee pudding ever.

Top 5 Negative Splits

Now for a rather more personal list. The time is how much quicker the second half was compared to the first half.


#5 Dublin 2009 - 5 minutes (2'13 + 2'08 = 4'21). Bit of a cheat this one as, being totally wiped out from Beachy and Greensands the previous two days and not enough sleep, I'd fallen asleep on the run and had to have a bit of a nap in an ambulance at about 11 miles to get me through it. Not recommended.


#4 Barcelona 2009 - 2 minutes (1'52 + 1'50 = 3'42'30). This was my first sub 3'45 and the pacing was perfect, this race started at 30k. Could probably have run the whole thing a bit quicker.


#3 Florence 2009 - 5 minutes (2'00 + 1'55 = 3'55'14). A easy long slow run of a marathon. I went through the first half in 2 hours on the nose then started racing from 16 miles, passing 1,769 runners in the second half, a whopping 39% of the field.


#2 Seville 2010 - 3 minutes (1'50 + 1'47 = 3'37). By the time I got to 30k, I had 1 hour and 1 minute to equal my existing PB, exactly 8'00 minute miling. I've no idea where it came from but I beat it by a fraction. Hardly worth it, but an exhilarating final hour.


#1 Jersey 2010 - 9 minutes (2'05 + 1'54 = 3'59). Nowhere near my best overall time but the clear winner on the negative split front. I think this proved to me that even though my legs were unbelievably over-trained, over-raced and my head was sick to death of marathons, I could still beast myself on occasion. 


(Luckily, I don't have the stats for the positive spits ;-) )

Ok, if you're racing a marathon, the scenery doesn't matter in the slightest as you won't be able to see it. Hence, tomorrow I'll list the fastest courses I've run / best PB potential. Here are some ideas for marathons to treat as long slow runs. (When my computer's fixed I'll try to find some photos)


Best scenery


#6 - Mauritius. Roads lined with bougainvillea, mountains, ocean, kids with huge grins and finishing on the beach. Stunning.


#5 - The Cornish. Bodmin Moor, a charming valley bottom and cute hamlets.


#4 - Dartmoor Discovery. Dartmoor, wide open views over the tors, ponies on the route, fab ancient stone bridges and more cute hamlets.


#3 - Snowdonia. Snowdonia National Park, innit.


#2 - Connemara. The biggest open spaces I've seen in the UK and virtually noone there. Monumental, forbidding and utterly beautiful.


#1 - Langdale. I love the Lake District, even in spite of family caravan holidays there several times a year, usually in the cold and wet. This is one of my favourite spots in the world - burnt orange bracken on the fellsides, huge hills (that you have to run over), cute fat brown sheep and a great pub at the finish.


Best city scenery


#5 - Hamburg. Loads of stunning lakeside to run along through some very well off parts of the city.


#4 - Florence. For the start overlooking one of the most beautiful cities in Europe.


#3 - Barcelona. Starting under the National Art Museum, with a fine stretch along the beach.


#2 - Porto. You get to run along the sea and the river for the bulk of this race, and over a stunning bridge. Gorgeous gorgeous gorgeous.


#1 - Rome. Easy choice. You start and finish at the Colosseum, run through the Vatican, pass so many ancient and important sites that it's not the cobbles tripping you up, it's the fact that you're looking anywhere but the road. Simply superb.

100 up in Malta

I was enormously touched this weekend by the number of people who came out to Malta to help me celebrate my 100th marathon, I never dreamed there would be so many people there. For someone who counts herself as a bit of a misanthropist, I appear to have a lot of very good mates and count myself extremely lucky. My ears were burning, however, on Saturday evening after we'd witnessed a day of torrential rain and bracingly cold temperatures, everyone must have been cursing me for dragging them out to run a marathon in the pouring rain. Together with the high winds on Sunday morning, my promises of sunshine seemed quite hollow. Honestly, I did get a tan last year, and there's proof of the sun on the marathon's website with a photo of me running past a huge triumphal gate in a crop top (funnily enough, I have no memory of the gate, and didn't even clock it this time round). It didn't look very likely this time round. 

So after all the rain on Saturday, there was enormous amounts of standing water about, Malta doesn't seem to put much emphasis on drainage. Within the first few miles there was a huge puddle that had us teetering along the edges like precious brats who don't want to get their shoes muddy. The best was later on, a small pond covered the road for about 100 metres. The resourceful Maltese had placed a low dry stone wall along this road complete with concrete lid, about 30 centimetres wide, perfect for balancing along to keep your feet dry though the climb up, the fallen down bit in the middle, the road sign to duck under and the jump off weren't most ideal if you were racing flat out. 

I of course wasn't racing flat out but did get predictably carried away with the downhills. I knew I'd probably blow up a bit, just like last year, but this wasn't about time really, sub 4 was all I wanted for my #100. So the first 15/16 miles averaged about 8 minute miling but the pre-race tea was proving extremely diuretic, and distracting. At 25k, I just had to stop in a handy field. This field also contained a horse who seemed quite curious about his visitor and decided to wander over to have a closer look. Maybe it doesn't get many runners visiting him. 

By this point, you start to feel like you're in an Escher drawing. You start at Mdina at the top, then run around in extremely confusing loops, doubling back on yourself, visiting the stadium over and over again, running the same patch of road in different directions, seeing the Mdina fortifications from every possible angle. Trying to figure out where the hell you've been is futile. But there is lots of downhill, and the sun came out, and the half runners were frequently very encouraging, and the road was wide enough to get around the walkers and for the 1/2 runners to pass. 

I was really enjoying the run, the sun on my back, the downhills, the congratulations thanks to the "100th marathon today (yes really)"  on my back. Running past a brass band playing the Brazil theme tune was also pretty memorable. A great race to finish on, and in stark contrast to the cold grizzly grey of the London 50k last weekend. By the last 7k I was bushed (they don't get easy no matter how many you do) and there were a few walking breaks, however Anna Seeley caught me up and dragged me into the finish, thanks Anna! She mentioned it was a fine coincidence we ran part of her first marathon together and now part of my 100th. 3'42 was better than hoped for, by a long way, and my 7th fastest ever. I'm definitely fitter and better rested than 4 months ago, even with Wokey 1/2 and the London 50k in my legs, so the 3'30 is the next logical goal. Yeah yeah, about bloody time. 

There was a superb reception at the finish, Helen had won the ladies' race and Mark had smashed his PB. There were other PBs and excellent performances too so the Laurent Perrier went down very well indeed, even in paper cups from Burger King. Standing in the sunshine with my mates, waiting for the other finishers and drinking champagne was just what I hoped for. It goes without saying that the party later on was fairly messy, but I was honoured to have so many people there, from Fetch, the 100 club and from the 10 in 10. There were as many sore heads as there were sore legs the next day. Gaddafi missed a trick though, there were a few people heading to Blighty via Malta from Libya, all he needed to do was get hold of a marathon t-shirt, hobble off the plane and everyone would think he was just another beardy old bloke who runs marathons. The Libyan refugees were probably slightly taken aback by the juxtaposition of an SBS emergency extraction from the desert and a bunch of rather worse for wear runners mucking about like children. I've never had an announcement on board a flight before, so it was a pretty special surprise to hear the congratulations over the tannoy. It was even more of a surprise when the chap got very confused and also awarded me the win, poor Helen! 

It was a top weekend all round (ok, apart from the terrible weather on Saturday and some awful food). I'm so glad so many people were there to share it with me, and I'm so glad I didn't stuff it up by trashing myself beforehand, or getting knocked over by a bus, or DNFing, or missing my flight, or any of the other million things that could have gone wrong. Sunday wasn't just for me, it was for everyone who's helped me get to the end of 2,620 miles (and some ultra change): my family, the 100 club, the 10 in 10-ers, a huge number of Fetchies and Mark. (Blimey, this is turning into an emotional, over wrought Oscars speech) Anyway, you're all fabulous, and I couldn't have done it without you.